The Vainglorious Asian Scramble to Learn "Englishee!"

Yes, I really, really have come to the conclusion, over the past more than five years, that Korean CULTure is often little more than needlessly, pathetically, even shamelessly CONTROLLING AS HELL.  Case in point:

Just today, somebody over here in Korea tried to excessively scold me when I said the common English word, "idiot," in the same room with a 7 year old.  And I wasn't talking to or about the 7 year old.  And I think that was pretty clear.  Oh well!  Old dopey me, huh?  Uncle Tom (or rather "Uncle Will") sho did do sometin wrong dis har time!  Fo sho!  Time for another good whipping!  Yes, sir!

At any rate, later on in the day (just an hour or so later, in fact), when I kissed my wife on the cheek, a bunch of 5 year olds started shouting the English word, "SEXY," all in unison!  And believe me, the word "sexy" pretty much means, "HAVE SEX" to most Koreans.

So naturally, I had to then remind these little English as a Second Language (ESL) learners (and even the "adult" who objected to my use of the word "idiot"), that words like "sexy" really are NOT what 5 year olds should go around shouting in most English speaking countries!

But then you have situations where the usual junior high school aged (or even younger) Korean kid blurts out the term, "Fuck you, man!" in the middle of class.  You know, for God, the Universe and everybody to hear.  "Oh, well, it's YOUR fault, teacha!  He learn that in your American movies!"

Yep.  That's me.  I make every single American, British, Canadian or whatever English speaking British commonwealth country's movies.  Every single one, I'm responsible for.  Oh yeah!  That's me!  You got me again, Koreans!  Let the blackmail and brinkmanship begin!  Or not.

Uh-huh.  Who PLAYS those movies on Korean TV?  Who lets their kid learn that kind of English language?  Yet, at the very same time, I ask that same kid (that I've been teaching for months and months) to answer a pathetically simple English question like, "How are you, today?" and the kid can't even answer it!

Oh... he knows the answer, believe me.  It's just a lot more fun (and PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY REWARDING) to blurt out obviously vulgar English words.  That's the game.  Oh, I think I've got it.  In fact, I've definitely got it.  But thanks so much for reminding me.  And again, just exactly why do you all appear to be trying so hard to learn MY native language anyway?

Forget it!  Must be all whitey's fault again!  Get the whip.  Uncle American gone and done it again!

But then... why again are we even trying to learn a foreign language when we don't even appear to care whether the CULTural rules of the native tongue even apply?  OH!  VANITY, again!  Because English is apparently NOT being learned, in most cases in Asia, to actually further one's one knowledge, but apparently merely for bragging rights.

What would make me think all these terrible things? Well, because people here spend years and years and dollars and dollars (or yuan and yuan, yen and yen, New Taiwan Dollars and NTD, won and won) apparently trying to learn "Englishee," and yet... 99% of them, even after all those years and all those literally billions of dollars spent, simply cannot speak much English - either the genuine British variety, OR the usually more user friendly, often simplified North American version.  What can I say?  Smells like vanity to me!

But surely, SOMEBODY in Asia eventually picks up SOME English, right?  I mean, there have to be some decent, at least mildly proficient English speakers SOMEWHERE in Asia, right?  Sure!  Lots, in fact.  But most are SCARED CRAPLESS to use their English most of the time.  Why?  That's another story for yet another time.  And sadly, it does go right back to the oppressive, overly controlling Asian CULTural landscape, yet again.

So, if it sounds like I don't genuinely care for ALL Asians, and that I'm just putting them down all the time, that's definitely not true at all.  I'd just love to see all this unhealthy, predatory societal control finally go the way of the Dodo.  But what can ya say?  Old habits are very, very hard to break.