To Be or Not to Be a "Bich" - That IS the Question

This highly informative post by Phuc Dat Bich has actually been floating around Facebook for a while now.

Just imagine for a moment, if you will, that your biggest claim to fame is the fact that the spelling of your name automatically makes the vast majority of native English language speakers (all 340 MILLION of us) think you are trying to be a profanity spewing smart ass, by presumably giving yourself an online moniker that, in all honestly, really, truly looks like a nasty turn of phrase in colloquial English.

But what if this alleged nasty name really was your REAL NAME!  What if you not only already knew that your name looks like a derogatory slur in written English, but you still refused to address this honest misunderstanding in any truly constructive way, other than to perhaps automatically assume that everybody who isn't already in the know about your funky looking foreign name is a card carrying racist?  But then... this poor guy can't really help it that he was born with a name like Phuc Dat Bich, now can he?

But seriously, is this guy for real?  I don't know, but maybe William Shakespeare said it best:

'Tis but thy name that is my enemy.
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What’s Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet.
~ Juliet, from Romeo & Juliet, Act 2, Scene 2

But seriously, if this dude really, honestly wanted to avoid getting so much negative attention, and really, seriously wanted to avoid having his Facebook page repeatedly shut down, he'd maybe want to adapt the spelling of his name to something that's just a little more English language friendly.  Just maybe.

At any rate, in all fairness, the surname name Bich is fairly common in Vietnam (even though not every Vietnamese person also has the given name, Phuc Dat).  A simple Google search will even reveal that a number of famous people are, or have been, named Bich.  For example, Wikipedia lists Italian Olympic biathlete, Albino Bich, Russian pair skater, Ivan Bich, and French born Italian, Marcel Bich.  I personally am actually mighty grateful to Marcel Bich, for co-founding the Bic company, that still, to this very day, produces some of the finest ball point pens on Earth.  I mean, who hasn't used a Bic pen before, right?

I mean... I LOVE BIC PENS!

What's more, the otherwise perfectly acceptable name, Phuc Dat Bich, is pronounced something that sounds more like "Fook Dat Bick."  So there ya go, right?  But then... the Bic company had the good sense to drop the letter h at the end of the name Bich, to presumably make their product more globally marketable, didn't they?  If that is indeed the case, that simple little adjustment to the spelling of the name Bich certainly has worked out well for them, hasn't it?

See, for me, here's the problem, Mr. Phuc Dat Bich.  In addition to my English name, I have both a Chinese AND a Korean name that I can go by (that is roughly analogous to my proper English name) that helps locals in Asia to identify me without it causing a major social upheaval.  I am not purposely obscuring my identity, resorting to the use of an alias, OR forsaking my European American heritage when I use the name Hoo, Wei-shin (a name that I worked with Taiwanese and Korean friends to CHOOSE VERY CAREFULLY, mind you).

And yes, I've had that Chinese and Korean friendly name printed on various forms of legal Chinese, Taiwanese and South Korean documents.  You see, the spelling and even the pronunciation of my Chinese and Korean names may differ somewhat from how they look and sound in my native English, but all three of my legal names really ARE still my name!  Best of all, they are still, taken as a whole, a good, culturally friendly and appropriate representation of who I am as a person.

So for me, the real point is that I live in Asia, and I figure I have to accommodate the majority population to some degree.  In other words, whether I like it or not, I AM A MINORITY here in Asia, so I need to mind my Ps and Qs, you know.  But only to a certain extent, of course.  Naturally, my skin will never spontaneously become any shade of yellow, red, or brown, and barring plastic surgery or something drastic like that, my eyelids are never going to develop that characteristic epicanthic fold that makes most Far East Asians readily identifiable the world over.

So, honestly, I don't even try to assimilate all that much in most cases.  However... I do think it's wise to not be too culturally contrary or provocative, if I can possibly help it.  If you know what I mean, that is.  'Cause even though I think it's healthy to "rock the boat" from time to time, I also know that a little passive aggression can go just a little (or even a lot) too far.

Also, I work as an English teacher, so I am often asked (more than I'd really like) to choose English names to assign to young local students.  It's a tough job, really, because I DON'T want to be all "imperialistic," and keep the poor native kids from having their own traditional names.   And I don't!  They get to keep their native name, but for the sake of learning good English pronunciation (and so the English teacher can more easily remember their name) the child is given a typical, easily pronounceable English nickname.

In doing so, I try to do my best to give the kids English names that sound similar to their native names.  And that's not always easy, believe me.  Some things simply just don't translate well from language to language, of course.  Hence the term, "lost in translation."

In any case, I also have to be careful to choose English names for my young students THAT DO NOT SOUND LIKE CHINESE OR KOREAN CURSE WORDS.  So these English nicknames MUST therefore be something that doesn't make the child a target of scorn or bullying from his or her peers.  For example; in Taiwan, where I first began to be tasked by the schools I worked for to give my young students English names, I quickly learned that the mere sound of some English language names automatically made the local children think of a Chinese word or phrase that might actually make the kid given such a name into a laughing stock.

So once, when I tried to name a kid in Taiwan, "Chad," he and his Chinese teacher immediately rejected that name, because it merely SOUNDED similar to a Chinese word that would most likely get the boy picked on.  Okay.  No problem.  I haven't attempted to give an Asian kid the nickname "Chad" ever since.  And I will never try to do so again.  Lesson learned.  'Cause who really wants to see a child get BULLIED?  I guess some people might want to get bullied... if they AUTOMATICALLY and PREJUDICALLY "hate the cops," want to "fight the power," or... maybe they just want to GET NEGATIVE ATTENTION.

In other words, if my full English name looked even remotely like "F**k Dat Bitch" in either written Chinese or Korean, I would hope that, at some point during the course of my life, I would have the presence of mind to change or adapt the spelling of my name to something that doesn't tend to cause such a stir.

So, that certainly is a cute (pathetically pseudo-clever) dilemma you got there, Mr. Bich, but I've also lived in Asia long enough to know textbook passive aggression when I see it. After all, you're Australian now, mate. So why not be a little more flexible with the spelling of your name?  You know, sort of... go easy on everybody else in the whole entire freaking world who doesn't automatically know how to pronounce your fancy name!

Either way, here is Phuc Dat Bich's take on all this.  'Cause after all, who am I to question the validity of a fine Vietnamese name like Phuc Dat Bich?  One way or another, it really is only fair that Mr. Bich should have the last word in the matter.  And here it is:

"I find it highly irritating the fact that nobody seems to believe me when I say that my full legal name is how you see it. I've been accused of using a false and misleading name of which I find very offensive. Is it because I'm Asian? Is it? Having my fb shut down multiple times and forced to change my name to my "real" name, so just to put it out there. My name. 

Yours sincerely, 
Phuc Dat Bich"

Get Your Red Hot Korean Chili Peppers!

HUGE FREAKING BAGS OF CHILI PEPPERS, BABY!  If you visit (or even try to live and work in) Korea, be mindful that if you've eaten so-called "Korean barbecue" in your own country and actually enjoyed it, more power to ya, but remember that, just like "Chinese food" that you can get just about everywhere in America, what you're eating isn't necessarily authentic local cuisine by any stretch of the imagination.

So if you come from a country where you're not used to oodles and oodles of spicy food, and end up having to sit down to a table where practically every single dish is red (even cucumbers and other vegetables are often doused in hot sauce in South Korea), you may find yourself quite dismayed at the genuine lack of culinary variety.

Yes, American style pizza is a big hit in South Korea (even though they tend to load ALL pizzas down with corn nibblets and/or onions --- whether you actually asked for copious amounts of those toppings or not), as is fried chicken, and Tonkatsu (Japanese style pork cutlet -- a food even the Japanese got from Americans, who got it from European Germans and Austrians), but even "Chinese food" in South Korea is pretty limited.

There are basically only two major kinds of so-called "Chinese food" available in South Korea, and those are most certainly NOT what most Westerners are used to.  Basically, in Korea, there's Jajang Mien, which is sort of an oriental style spaghetti with almost no meat, doused in a thick, dirty looking brown sauce that you'll probably be able to stomach just fine the first few times you eat it, but it doesn't do real Chinese food any justice whatsoever, believe me.  In fact, a Taiwanese friend told me once, "Oh, yeah, Jajang Mien.  They eat a lot of that in Korea, I hear.  We don't eat that much in Taiwan though.  Only if we go to a Korean restaurant!"

The only other type of "Chinese food" that is typically consumed in South Korea is Tong su yook, which is basically sweet and sour pork.  It can look and taste a little different, depending on which restaurant in Korea you find it in, but for my money, it's no where near as tasty as Americanized Chinese sweet and sour ANYTHING.

So... if you get sick and damn tired of eating Korean pizza with extra onions and corn nibblets, fried chicken, Japanese style pork cutlet (and there are literally ZILLIONS of South Korean restaurants that serve Tonkatsu almost exclusively), or the ONLY TWO kinds of "Chinese food" that most South Koreans choose to prepare, there's always fatty pork -- that is also, not surprisingly, typically served with loads and loads of SPICY CHILI SAUCE!

To be fair, my favorite Korean food is Ginseng Chicken Soup.  It's GREAT, and is NOT spicy.  There's also "gimbap," which is basically just a kind of Korean sushi, but... you can't eat that every day either.  Many Koreans do though, I take it, because it's usually very inexpensive and mostly nutritious.  After that, it's back to that most Korean of super foods, KIMCHI: morning, noon and night, at every single meal....  And CHILI PEPPERS!  And CHILI SAUCE!  Mountains and mountains of CHILI SAUCE!  Added to just about EVERYTHING.  Yep.

Oh, there's also McDonald's and Burger King, but the Korean run versions of those restaurants tend to have dirty floors and customers who can't (or simply won't) wait in line for their orders.  And alas, man cannot live on burgers and fries alone.