"Don't be raciss, dawg!"

Sheesh! With only three minutes to go until I was supposed to teach yet another class full of merry munchkins, and being a dutiful and generally hardworking chap and all that, I of course tried to go into the classroom early, but the kids kicked me out, collectively shouting, "NOT TIME YET!" Apparently, I'm not supposed to interrupt their precious cell phone game activities before class begins. Hmm.

Okay, so I then went back to my desk and resumed listening to one of my all time favorite singers, the ever inimitable James Brown. Then, one of my little South Korean elementary school aged students overheard the classic music, I guess, and being as precocious as ever, she came rushing into my office, which is located right next to the classroom I was about to teach in. This particular young lady then proceeded to point at the image of James Brown who was busy crooning on my computer monitor, and repeatedly exclaimed, "Monkey!"

Oh, boy.... This was going to take some SERIOUS explaining just to let this little one know that even though she's not necessarily automatically a "racist" at her innocent, highly impressionable young age, she's really not supposed to say stuff like that. Not in America, or to an American English teacher, anyway.

But hey, it's Asia, where the little kids tend to pet and stroke the hair on my bushy white man arms. As if I am some kind of shaggy, blue-gray eyed dog or something. Well, I guess I could've gotten all upset and self-righteous, and maybe have even pointed my crooked little finger in her otherwise well meaning prepubescent face, only to then scream, "Don't be raciss, dawg!" or something to that effect, but does that kind of blatant labeling ever really solve ANY problems in broader human society? Hmm. I wonder.

At any rate, in their defense, body hair is somewhat rare among Far East Asiatic peoples, so if most Asians (in Asia) happen to see a "foreign" dude (such as yours truly) with the kind of hairy arms that they are not at all used to seeing, it's actually quite natural for many of them to be thinking and/or suddenly shouting, "Monkey!" But sure, they're really not supposed to say (or even so much as think) such things, of course.

And besides, I guess that's just how it is when 99.9% of everybody you've personally known your whole life is also Asian, and they therefore most (though not all) tend to have almost all of the same physical characteristics as you do (i.e. black hair color, "slanted" eyes, "yellow" skin, glasses, etc.).

And kids really do tend to say the darndest things, don't they? At least that particular young Korean female student of mine is especially straightforward and honest, and therefore hasn't yet learned the deceptive art of excessive political correctness. Thank the good Lord for that, eh?

I Kill Cockroaches, Therefore I Am

One MAJOR detraction about trying to make a living in Asia, is all the cockroaches.  Yep.  Oh, sure, we've got roaches in the US (and nice, big "wolf" spiders in Missouri, too), but the biggest cockroaches I've EVER seen were in sunny, subtropical Taiwan.  Yuck!  Those scurrying buggers are often as big as (or even bigger than) an adult human thumb, I kid you NOT!

Here in South Korea, with us being at roughly the same global longitude as the United States, the roaches are the smaller variety that you can also find back home in Missouri.  HOWEVER... there are a CRAP LOAD more stinky humans over here to pollute the hell out of the place.  Which means that there are a crap load of roaches, too.

Even worse, there is this curious custom in South Korea, whereby they gobble down restaurant food that has been delivered, served on regular dishware, with metal utensils and all, and then DO NOT CLEAN those dishes or silverware after they're finished eating.  Unfortunately, the goofy understanding with the restaurant service industry over here, is that the motorcycle riding dude who originally delivered your food is supposed to come back soon after you've finished chowing down, and clean up after your sloppy, belching ass.

Seriously.

These dudes actually have a big, smelly food waste collection container on the back of their motorcycle, into which they drop your nasty-ass human droppings.  Okay!  Great, right?  Absolutely NO disposable McDonald's style paper waste, right?  How green!  How laudably Earth friendly!

EXCEPT... that Koreans just stack the filthy aftermath of their meal up and then set it down on the floor outside of their door, where it waits until that "happy" (but seriously overworked) motorcycle delivery dude comes to virtually wipe your way too busy Asian buttocks for you.  Ah!  The wonders of modern living!  NO FUSS, NO MUSS!

Au contraire!  "In theory" does not always "in practice" make, you know.  So, sometimes, those nasty, unwashed dishes stay outside your door for days or even WEEKS!   Months, even.  I kid you not.

Therefore, despite the fact that I have always been a meticulously clean fellow (and actually WASH these restaurant dishes before leaving them outside for the delivery dude to come fetch -- and how FOREIGN is THAT silly little idea, right?), when all the neighbors eat delivery food, they leave their sloppy leavings out in the halls, and in front of buildings all the time.

And hey, "when in Rome," don't use your brain or anything!  Don't think!  Don't question the grand order of things.  Just keep following right along, and try not to wonder why the hell all the cockroaches seem to love your apartment so very much!

Hmm.  All the grand mysteries of the universe!  Might we EVER solve them all?  Hmm.

So... in addition to my wife being a very lucky woman (at least that's what I'm always telling her), having an ultra clean and tidy foreign, whitey house hubby like yours very truly, she has also recruited me to become the SUPER DUPER COCKROACH KILLER that I have unfortunately had to become.  Yep.  Problem is... one of those nasty little buggers just now got away.  And if you think that means that there will be peace in this household until that offensive little beastie is found and TERMINATED, you are sorely mistaken.  Oh, yes, there WILL be cockroach blood.

P.S. - Sorry, no pictures of cockroaches.  I kill those nasty buggers as fast as I can find 'em, of course.

Korean droppings.  Yummy?  Well, I'm pretty sure it's a veritable feast for cockroaches anyway!  Note - You can always tell authentic Korean food by how SPICY RED it tends to be.

Not food that the motorcycle guys are supposed to come back and pick up, mind you, but surely this kind of filthy littering inside a high-rise apartment building is a DIRECT RESULT of food service industry practices in South Korea.  But then... they do this in Taiwan and China too.  So,  just exactly WHERE are all the PUBLIC TRASH CANS in Asia?  The world may never know!

Trees basically double as waste baskets in South Korea.  There are almost NO rubbish bins for public use in Asia, after all.

Walking by and have no place to toss your used drink cup?  Just set it down anywhere convenient and HOPEFULLY, somebody will clean up after you!