To Be or Not to Be a "Bich" - That IS the Question

This highly informative post by Phuc Dat Bich has actually been floating around Facebook for a while now.

Just imagine for a moment, if you will, that your biggest claim to fame is the fact that the spelling of your name automatically makes the vast majority of native English language speakers (all 340 MILLION of us) think you are trying to be a profanity spewing smart ass, by presumably giving yourself an online moniker that, in all honestly, really, truly looks like a nasty turn of phrase in colloquial English.

But what if this alleged nasty name really was your REAL NAME!  What if you not only already knew that your name looks like a derogatory slur in written English, but you still refused to address this honest misunderstanding in any truly constructive way, other than to perhaps automatically assume that everybody who isn't already in the know about your funky looking foreign name is a card carrying racist?  But then... this poor guy can't really help it that he was born with a name like Phuc Dat Bich, now can he?

But seriously, is this guy for real?  I don't know, but maybe William Shakespeare said it best:

'Tis but thy name that is my enemy.
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What’s Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet.
~ Juliet, from Romeo & Juliet, Act 2, Scene 2

But seriously, if this dude really, honestly wanted to avoid getting so much negative attention, and really, seriously wanted to avoid having his Facebook page repeatedly shut down, he'd maybe want to adapt the spelling of his name to something that's just a little more English language friendly.  Just maybe.

At any rate, in all fairness, the surname name Bich is fairly common in Vietnam (even though not every Vietnamese person also has the given name, Phuc Dat).  A simple Google search will even reveal that a number of famous people are, or have been, named Bich.  For example, Wikipedia lists Italian Olympic biathlete, Albino Bich, Russian pair skater, Ivan Bich, and French born Italian, Marcel Bich.  I personally am actually mighty grateful to Marcel Bich, for co-founding the Bic company, that still, to this very day, produces some of the finest ball point pens on Earth.  I mean, who hasn't used a Bic pen before, right?

I mean... I LOVE BIC PENS!

What's more, the otherwise perfectly acceptable name, Phuc Dat Bich, is pronounced something that sounds more like "Fook Dat Bick."  So there ya go, right?  But then... the Bic company had the good sense to drop the letter h at the end of the name Bich, to presumably make their product more globally marketable, didn't they?  If that is indeed the case, that simple little adjustment to the spelling of the name Bich certainly has worked out well for them, hasn't it?

See, for me, here's the problem, Mr. Phuc Dat Bich.  In addition to my English name, I have both a Chinese AND a Korean name that I can go by (that is roughly analogous to my proper English name) that helps locals in Asia to identify me without it causing a major social upheaval.  I am not purposely obscuring my identity, resorting to the use of an alias, OR forsaking my European American heritage when I use the name Hoo, Wei-shin (a name that I worked with Taiwanese and Korean friends to CHOOSE VERY CAREFULLY, mind you).

And yes, I've had that Chinese and Korean friendly name printed on various forms of legal Chinese, Taiwanese and South Korean documents.  You see, the spelling and even the pronunciation of my Chinese and Korean names may differ somewhat from how they look and sound in my native English, but all three of my legal names really ARE still my name!  Best of all, they are still, taken as a whole, a good, culturally friendly and appropriate representation of who I am as a person.

So for me, the real point is that I live in Asia, and I figure I have to accommodate the majority population to some degree.  In other words, whether I like it or not, I AM A MINORITY here in Asia, so I need to mind my Ps and Qs, you know.  But only to a certain extent, of course.  Naturally, my skin will never spontaneously become any shade of yellow, red, or brown, and barring plastic surgery or something drastic like that, my eyelids are never going to develop that characteristic epicanthic fold that makes most Far East Asians readily identifiable the world over.

So, honestly, I don't even try to assimilate all that much in most cases.  However... I do think it's wise to not be too culturally contrary or provocative, if I can possibly help it.  If you know what I mean, that is.  'Cause even though I think it's healthy to "rock the boat" from time to time, I also know that a little passive aggression can go just a little (or even a lot) too far.

Also, I work as an English teacher, so I am often asked (more than I'd really like) to choose English names to assign to young local students.  It's a tough job, really, because I DON'T want to be all "imperialistic," and keep the poor native kids from having their own traditional names.   And I don't!  They get to keep their native name, but for the sake of learning good English pronunciation (and so the English teacher can more easily remember their name) the child is given a typical, easily pronounceable English nickname.

In doing so, I try to do my best to give the kids English names that sound similar to their native names.  And that's not always easy, believe me.  Some things simply just don't translate well from language to language, of course.  Hence the term, "lost in translation."

In any case, I also have to be careful to choose English names for my young students THAT DO NOT SOUND LIKE CHINESE OR KOREAN CURSE WORDS.  So these English nicknames MUST therefore be something that doesn't make the child a target of scorn or bullying from his or her peers.  For example; in Taiwan, where I first began to be tasked by the schools I worked for to give my young students English names, I quickly learned that the mere sound of some English language names automatically made the local children think of a Chinese word or phrase that might actually make the kid given such a name into a laughing stock.

So once, when I tried to name a kid in Taiwan, "Chad," he and his Chinese teacher immediately rejected that name, because it merely SOUNDED similar to a Chinese word that would most likely get the boy picked on.  Okay.  No problem.  I haven't attempted to give an Asian kid the nickname "Chad" ever since.  And I will never try to do so again.  Lesson learned.  'Cause who really wants to see a child get BULLIED?  I guess some people might want to get bullied... if they AUTOMATICALLY and PREJUDICALLY "hate the cops," want to "fight the power," or... maybe they just want to GET NEGATIVE ATTENTION.

In other words, if my full English name looked even remotely like "F**k Dat Bitch" in either written Chinese or Korean, I would hope that, at some point during the course of my life, I would have the presence of mind to change or adapt the spelling of my name to something that doesn't tend to cause such a stir.

So, that certainly is a cute (pathetically pseudo-clever) dilemma you got there, Mr. Bich, but I've also lived in Asia long enough to know textbook passive aggression when I see it. After all, you're Australian now, mate. So why not be a little more flexible with the spelling of your name?  You know, sort of... go easy on everybody else in the whole entire freaking world who doesn't automatically know how to pronounce your fancy name!

Either way, here is Phuc Dat Bich's take on all this.  'Cause after all, who am I to question the validity of a fine Vietnamese name like Phuc Dat Bich?  One way or another, it really is only fair that Mr. Bich should have the last word in the matter.  And here it is:

"I find it highly irritating the fact that nobody seems to believe me when I say that my full legal name is how you see it. I've been accused of using a false and misleading name of which I find very offensive. Is it because I'm Asian? Is it? Having my fb shut down multiple times and forced to change my name to my "real" name, so just to put it out there. My name. 

Yours sincerely, 
Phuc Dat Bich"

Get Your Red Hot Korean Chili Peppers!

HUGE FREAKING BAGS OF CHILI PEPPERS, BABY!  If you visit (or even try to live and work in) Korea, be mindful that if you've eaten so-called "Korean barbecue" in your own country and actually enjoyed it, more power to ya, but remember that, just like "Chinese food" that you can get just about everywhere in America, what you're eating isn't necessarily authentic local cuisine by any stretch of the imagination.

So if you come from a country where you're not used to oodles and oodles of spicy food, and end up having to sit down to a table where practically every single dish is red (even cucumbers and other vegetables are often doused in hot sauce in South Korea), you may find yourself quite dismayed at the genuine lack of culinary variety.

Yes, American style pizza is a big hit in South Korea (even though they tend to load ALL pizzas down with corn nibblets and/or onions --- whether you actually asked for copious amounts of those toppings or not), as is fried chicken, and Tonkatsu (Japanese style pork cutlet -- a food even the Japanese got from Americans, who got it from European Germans and Austrians), but even "Chinese food" in South Korea is pretty limited.

There are basically only two major kinds of so-called "Chinese food" available in South Korea, and those are most certainly NOT what most Westerners are used to.  Basically, in Korea, there's Jajang Mien, which is sort of an oriental style spaghetti with almost no meat, doused in a thick, dirty looking brown sauce that you'll probably be able to stomach just fine the first few times you eat it, but it doesn't do real Chinese food any justice whatsoever, believe me.  In fact, a Taiwanese friend told me once, "Oh, yeah, Jajang Mien.  They eat a lot of that in Korea, I hear.  We don't eat that much in Taiwan though.  Only if we go to a Korean restaurant!"

The only other type of "Chinese food" that is typically consumed in South Korea is Tong su yook, which is basically sweet and sour pork.  It can look and taste a little different, depending on which restaurant in Korea you find it in, but for my money, it's no where near as tasty as Americanized Chinese sweet and sour ANYTHING.

So... if you get sick and damn tired of eating Korean pizza with extra onions and corn nibblets, fried chicken, Japanese style pork cutlet (and there are literally ZILLIONS of South Korean restaurants that serve Tonkatsu almost exclusively), or the ONLY TWO kinds of "Chinese food" that most South Koreans choose to prepare, there's always fatty pork -- that is also, not surprisingly, typically served with loads and loads of SPICY CHILI SAUCE!

To be fair, my favorite Korean food is Ginseng Chicken Soup.  It's GREAT, and is NOT spicy.  There's also "gimbap," which is basically just a kind of Korean sushi, but... you can't eat that every day either.  Many Koreans do though, I take it, because it's usually very inexpensive and mostly nutritious.  After that, it's back to that most Korean of super foods, KIMCHI: morning, noon and night, at every single meal....  And CHILI PEPPERS!  And CHILI SAUCE!  Mountains and mountains of CHILI SAUCE!  Added to just about EVERYTHING.  Yep.

Oh, there's also McDonald's and Burger King, but the Korean run versions of those restaurants tend to have dirty floors and customers who can't (or simply won't) wait in line for their orders.  And alas, man cannot live on burgers and fries alone.

"Don't be raciss, dawg!"

Sheesh! With only three minutes to go until I was supposed to teach yet another class full of merry munchkins, and being a dutiful and generally hardworking chap and all that, I of course tried to go into the classroom early, but the kids kicked me out, collectively shouting, "NOT TIME YET!" Apparently, I'm not supposed to interrupt their precious cell phone game activities before class begins. Hmm.

Okay, so I then went back to my desk and resumed listening to one of my all time favorite singers, the ever inimitable James Brown. Then, one of my little South Korean elementary school aged students overheard the classic music, I guess, and being as precocious as ever, she came rushing into my office, which is located right next to the classroom I was about to teach in. This particular young lady then proceeded to point at the image of James Brown who was busy crooning on my computer monitor, and repeatedly exclaimed, "Monkey!"

Oh, boy.... This was going to take some SERIOUS explaining just to let this little one know that even though she's not necessarily automatically a "racist" at her innocent, highly impressionable young age, she's really not supposed to say stuff like that. Not in America, or to an American English teacher, anyway.

But hey, it's Asia, where the little kids tend to pet and stroke the hair on my bushy white man arms. As if I am some kind of shaggy, blue-gray eyed dog or something. Well, I guess I could've gotten all upset and self-righteous, and maybe have even pointed my crooked little finger in her otherwise well meaning prepubescent face, only to then scream, "Don't be raciss, dawg!" or something to that effect, but does that kind of blatant labeling ever really solve ANY problems in broader human society? Hmm. I wonder.

At any rate, in their defense, body hair is somewhat rare among Far East Asiatic peoples, so if most Asians (in Asia) happen to see a "foreign" dude (such as yours truly) with the kind of hairy arms that they are not at all used to seeing, it's actually quite natural for many of them to be thinking and/or suddenly shouting, "Monkey!" But sure, they're really not supposed to say (or even so much as think) such things, of course.

And besides, I guess that's just how it is when 99.9% of everybody you've personally known your whole life is also Asian, and they therefore most (though not all) tend to have almost all of the same physical characteristics as you do (i.e. black hair color, "slanted" eyes, "yellow" skin, glasses, etc.).

And kids really do tend to say the darndest things, don't they? At least that particular young Korean female student of mine is especially straightforward and honest, and therefore hasn't yet learned the deceptive art of excessive political correctness. Thank the good Lord for that, eh?

I Kill Cockroaches, Therefore I Am

One MAJOR detraction about trying to make a living in Asia, is all the cockroaches.  Yep.  Oh, sure, we've got roaches in the US (and nice, big "wolf" spiders in Missouri, too), but the biggest cockroaches I've EVER seen were in sunny, subtropical Taiwan.  Yuck!  Those scurrying buggers are often as big as (or even bigger than) an adult human thumb, I kid you NOT!

Here in South Korea, with us being at roughly the same global longitude as the United States, the roaches are the smaller variety that you can also find back home in Missouri.  HOWEVER... there are a CRAP LOAD more stinky humans over here to pollute the hell out of the place.  Which means that there are a crap load of roaches, too.

Even worse, there is this curious custom in South Korea, whereby they gobble down restaurant food that has been delivered, served on regular dishware, with metal utensils and all, and then DO NOT CLEAN those dishes or silverware after they're finished eating.  Unfortunately, the goofy understanding with the restaurant service industry over here, is that the motorcycle riding dude who originally delivered your food is supposed to come back soon after you've finished chowing down, and clean up after your sloppy, belching ass.

Seriously.

These dudes actually have a big, smelly food waste collection container on the back of their motorcycle, into which they drop your nasty-ass human droppings.  Okay!  Great, right?  Absolutely NO disposable McDonald's style paper waste, right?  How green!  How laudably Earth friendly!

EXCEPT... that Koreans just stack the filthy aftermath of their meal up and then set it down on the floor outside of their door, where it waits until that "happy" (but seriously overworked) motorcycle delivery dude comes to virtually wipe your way too busy Asian buttocks for you.  Ah!  The wonders of modern living!  NO FUSS, NO MUSS!

Au contraire!  "In theory" does not always "in practice" make, you know.  So, sometimes, those nasty, unwashed dishes stay outside your door for days or even WEEKS!   Months, even.  I kid you not.

Therefore, despite the fact that I have always been a meticulously clean fellow (and actually WASH these restaurant dishes before leaving them outside for the delivery dude to come fetch -- and how FOREIGN is THAT silly little idea, right?), when all the neighbors eat delivery food, they leave their sloppy leavings out in the halls, and in front of buildings all the time.

And hey, "when in Rome," don't use your brain or anything!  Don't think!  Don't question the grand order of things.  Just keep following right along, and try not to wonder why the hell all the cockroaches seem to love your apartment so very much!

Hmm.  All the grand mysteries of the universe!  Might we EVER solve them all?  Hmm.

So... in addition to my wife being a very lucky woman (at least that's what I'm always telling her), having an ultra clean and tidy foreign, whitey house hubby like yours very truly, she has also recruited me to become the SUPER DUPER COCKROACH KILLER that I have unfortunately had to become.  Yep.  Problem is... one of those nasty little buggers just now got away.  And if you think that means that there will be peace in this household until that offensive little beastie is found and TERMINATED, you are sorely mistaken.  Oh, yes, there WILL be cockroach blood.

P.S. - Sorry, no pictures of cockroaches.  I kill those nasty buggers as fast as I can find 'em, of course.

Korean droppings.  Yummy?  Well, I'm pretty sure it's a veritable feast for cockroaches anyway!  Note - You can always tell authentic Korean food by how SPICY RED it tends to be.

Not food that the motorcycle guys are supposed to come back and pick up, mind you, but surely this kind of filthy littering inside a high-rise apartment building is a DIRECT RESULT of food service industry practices in South Korea.  But then... they do this in Taiwan and China too.  So,  just exactly WHERE are all the PUBLIC TRASH CANS in Asia?  The world may never know!

Trees basically double as waste baskets in South Korea.  There are almost NO rubbish bins for public use in Asia, after all.

Walking by and have no place to toss your used drink cup?  Just set it down anywhere convenient and HOPEFULLY, somebody will clean up after you!

Another Chaotic, Bewildering Day in "the Hermit Kingdom"

I think I only got about 4 hours of sleep again last night. Was it the habitual door slammers down the hall that woke me up this time? The drunken college kids who shout and carouse until the morning light (even on weekdays)? Or was it the fact that even just driving ten short minutes to our school is incredibly stressful, almost every single day? But I don't really drive all that often in Asia, thank God.

In fact, the Wife drives her car, and during the ride, I just try desperately to bury my head in a book, or the like, so that I won't see all the chaos around me while I'm trapped in the passenger seat. Because believe me, if I don't have something else to focus on, I am forced to see all the locals here in South Korea who are usually busy jaywalking, running red lights, and just behaving in all sorts of unsavory ways that most people in Far East Asia just think is "normal."

Either way, all of the above (and so much more) can really drive a guy like me, who was born and raised in a small town in the Midwestern United States, stark raving nuts after a while, you know. Yep. Well, whatever I did to deserve this, I hope my punishment in this life ends real, real soon.

Don't Forget the Yo, Bro!

"하지 마세요!" Or, "Ha ji ma se yo!" Or, if you're a member of the lower caste, speaking to another member of an equal or lower caste, "하지마! (Ha Ji Ma!)" Or, in English, "Stop it!" Or, "Don't do that!" And remember, if you aren't old enough, or even if you're just a year younger than the person you are speaking to, you MUST use the "yo" at the end. You must, you must, you must! Because those are THE RULES! Not just so you'll sound like all the other yo spouting yo-yos of lower rank! NO! Of course not! That would be... unequal... or... something. Anyway, "Don't do that, yo!\?" Run a red light, park in the middle of the street, dine on dog meat (or internationally banned whale meat, if you're from the other side of the Sea of... of... that other unnamed country that starts with a J), but whatever you do, DON'T FORGET THE "YO!" Bro....

War and Peace, War and Peace, Rinse and Repeat - All Over Again

Tokugawa Ieyasu, the founder and first supreme military commander (Shogun) of the Edo/Tokugawa Period (1603 to 1868), who only carried on the work of banning Christianity from Japan, that his predecessor, Toyotomi Hideyoshi, began when he issued an 11 point edict denouncing the Christian faith in 1587

As many scholars of historical affairs in Asia well know, on the face of it, the Japanese Expulsion Edicts of the Tokugawa Shogunate that finally put the icing on the xenophobic cake in 1635 and 1639 were primarily aimed at booting out foreign Christian missionaries and the like. These laws were also conveniently designed to restrict trade and curb illegal activities that were commonly being engaged in by agents of various European nations in Japan in the 16th and early 17th centuries.  'Cause, sorry, the United States simply didn't exist at that time, of course.

And quite naturally, when viewing the whole matter from a Western style perspective, by today's standards, it seems "evil" and far too heavy handed for the Japanese government that was in power at the time, to have resorted to state condoned violence and outright murder to carry out the whole-scale persecution of both Christians and foreigners in general, who were unfortunate enough to have been living and/or working in Japan at the time.

But consider the fact that, prior to the Tokugawa Expulsion Edicts, quite a number of business savvy (greedy) individuals and private interest groups, with nationalistic and religious motives, were commonly at each others' throats over matters of mostly foreign import on Japanese soil.  You know; good old foreign intrigue and derisiveness.  And all in a Japan that had only recently emerged from a period of great internal strife, with the usual sets of powerful homegrown clans all vying for the coveted, super supreme title of Shogun.  Or rather, sei-i taishōgun (征夷大将軍), or, the vaunted generalissimo, the military commander and chief of all Japan - a magnanimous title which eventually, as the name of the last shogunate so handily indicates, ended up in the hands of the victorious Tokugawa family.

At any rate, a very big part of why the Expulsion Edicts eventually came about, is because the Spanish and Portuguese, with their powerful navies, had been the first to establish, then exploit and dominate, most types of trade between Europe and Asia.  When the English and Dutch eventually got in on the act, however, things really got ugly.  Well... much, much more competitive, anyway.  Let's put it that way.  Especially since, at the time, the Spanish and Portuguese were primarily Roman Catholics, and the English and Dutch were avowed, newly christened Protestants.

So essentially, the situation could be more succinctly defined this way:  A handful of European Christian sects were at war with one another on foreign soil.  But what they all really wanted (beyond the religiously fueled self righteous reasons they most often cited as an excuse to smite their enemies), was to have the Biblical lion's share of control in foreign trade to and from once fabled Japan.  In other words, the Spanish and Portuguese didn't appreciate the upstart English and Dutch, who most likely would have defended themselves by saying that they were just entitled to their own piece of lip smacking Nippon cherry pie.

Simple.  It all makes sense, really.  I mean, doesn't it?  One can persecute the religious and call for the outright ban of religions everywhere, but whether it's politics, or fashion, or race or... whatever, what people are usually after in any conflict, great or small, is the three basic things that have always made the world go around: money, power and face (aka, fame).  Get a hold of any one of these coveted three, and the other two will surely follow.  Eventually.  Sooner or later.  One way or another.

Until you lose one of the coveted triumvirate, that is.  And then the whole process seems to curiously reverse itself.  For example; lose face, and your money and power eventually goes into the crapper, too.  Hmm.

So anyway... interestingly enough, all this foreign squabbling on Japanese soil during the early 17th century quite naturally provided just the right mix of powerful incendiary sparks needed for the Tokugawa government to get the now somewhat curious, but perhaps understandable idea (now conveniently viewed in hopefully 20/20 21st century hindsight), that ALL Christians really must be PURE, UNADULTERATED EVILDOERS!

But why?  I mean... these days, everybody knows that Christians are the good guys, right?  It's them Muslims and Jews that are behind all the world's major conflicts!  Right!  I mean... right?  And.. and those... those nasty, barbaric Japanese Buddhist/Shinto people!  How DARE they murder men and women of God?  Men and women of abiding Christian faith, who, even though they claimed to worship the same God (and even espoused almost the exact same versions of the same ancient religious texts), were still over there, in someone else's country (as the Japanese must have surely seen it), busily plotting, planning, speaking, and doing all sorts of nasty things to one another.  And all just to get total control of Japanese trade.  Whether any of them would actually admit to that or not.

Hmm.

Sort of reminds me of what it looks and feels like, while living abroad in Asia, when Democrats and Republicans in American politics publicly sling massive quantities of mud at one another, for all the world to see.  And on an alarmingly regular basis, too.

And how bloody, bloody EMBARRASSING is THAT?

But... here's the thing:  True democracy is like that, isn't it?  I mean, cats and dogs gotta fight sometimes you know.  What would dogs be without cats?  What would cats be without dogs?  Content?  Maybe.  For a while, at least.  And let's be perfectly honest, shall we?  In places where there is precious little democracy and religious freedom is officially guaranteed by law (though few practice it, because... it's curiously enough... just not very popular - even in those places like "modern" China, where people of faith really ARE persecuted - despite the letter of the law), people STILL fight amongst themselves!  They still go at it over all sorts of things.  You know, all the same crap that humans have always squabbled over.  Of course.

Simple.

So it seems that even, and especially democracy, not only thrives on, but REQUIRES debate.  CONFLICT!  Good old (bad old) fashioned squabbling.  Cat calls, smoldering dog turds left in other people's backyards, whining, mud slinging, and pissing and moaning about just about every damn thing under the sun, for crying out loud!  I mean, for Crike's sake, it's all so very MESSY!  Embarrassing even.  And why do mom and dad always have to fight like that?  For that matter, why do the kids at school have to pick on one another?  Gee!  Sheesh!  That pesky HUMAN RACE!

But... at least that way, the way of war, when the dust settles, in the wake of every major (or minor) conflict in human history, at the very least, we all know where we stand, right? Yes, it is the often derisive, divisive, combative nature of a true democratic process that actually moves and changes things!

Imagine that.

But war is so damned ugly.  Even wasteful.  Shameful.  Foul.  Well, any kind of conflict is, is it not?  That's why there have always been wars and intrigue of every kind, I suppose.  And most importantly, I guess (no, I'm SURE), that's why the idea of chivalry grew up out of the constant, bloody, and often quite savage internal strife that marked the Medieval European landscape.  I mean, come on!  Us whities (and people of other ethnicities in Europe too, now, so don't kid yourself) were STILL going at it up into the 20th century, when not one but TWO major world wars resulted in the death of MILLIONS.  And millions more who suffered globally because of the conflict.

So what's the answer?  Well, let's chuck religion, shall we?  Throw that screaming, self righteous, selfish, overly needy little baby out with the bathwater once and for all, why don't we?  That'll surely end ALL of man's ills!  That'll surely bring peace and stability to everyone, once and for all.

Except that... in the aftermath of the Tokugawa Expulsion Edicts, after the Japanese government had violently purged most foreigners, and murdered hundreds of foreign priests, preachers, lay people and scores of their native born converts, Japan still continued to march ever onward toward the next step in the country's perhaps inevitable evolution.

Now, this is the part where us new young kids, the Americans, come in, see.  Despite all the seclusion and state sanctioned xenophobia that the Tokugawa Shoguns so effectively imposed in Japan, the "Edo" period (as the Tokugawa Shogunate is also called) eventually ground to a screeching halt.  And modern American gunboats and their crews were there to see the inevitable changing of the guard, as a whole new era of Japanese history was ever so painfully ushered in.

Okay... it's all a little complicated, of course, but suffice it to say that even though "the great peace" that the Tokugawa family brought to Japan, by kicking out the foreign devils, and retreating back into its own heavily armored and carefully lacquered and beautifully decorated Samurai tortoise shell, somehow... the lowest of the low in Japanese society eventually, somehow got the better of the long reigning military class.

Yes, the merchants did it!  And the lowest of the low, they once truly were.  Even lower on the Japanese societal ladder than the peasants, believe it or not.  But at least they were JAPANESE merchants, right?  Not those nasty barbarian, overly religious, money grubbing foreigners, right?  Well, at any rate, by the end of the Tokugawa period, the Medieval Japanese caste system had been turned on its head, and the masters of domestic Japanese trade were lavishing their wives and concubines with the finest kimono that could be fashioned from Chinese silk.  While the privileged Samurai elite themselves grew more and more impoverished, despite their state guaranteed, inherited power and prestige.

And amazingly enough, by the time the Meiji Restoration rolled around in 1868, the Samurai had even mostly lost what was left of their precious face.  What a shame.  For everyone involved, really.  Because in the end, FORCING peace upon a people who'd actually been gradually growing as a society before that (THROUGH CONFLICT) the Shoguns brought eventual stagnation and irreversible change to their own indigenous social landscape.

How Earth shattering.  The death of a Japan that will most likely never be seen again.  How terribly sad.  Well... sort of.  Change sucks, but when it comes to humans, it does seem to be essential, does it not?

But let's get back to us "meddling" Americans and all our "gunboat diplomacy," shall we?  Such sweeping changes were actually ushered in, ever so matter of factually, by Commodore Matthew C. Perry and the US Navy in 1853.  Yes, 1853.  In a little fishing village called Uraga (浦賀), Kanagawa.  The subsequent Convention of Kanagawa, that finally, officially opened Japan to the West didn't actually go down until a year later, in 1854.

So, as stubborn as they may long have been, when push finally came to shove, it seems those Japanese sure did learn quickly, huh?  After that fateful day when Perry showed up to issue his foreign ultimatums, the Japanese somehow managed to get started in the process of ushering in a whole new age.  And in just a year's time, too.  Well... it took a lot longer than that, really, and not all Japanese were eager for a change, of course.  Some, in fact, fought to the bitter end.  But still, in the end, the Japanese got with the program, didn't they?  And much, much faster than the Koreans or Chinese did, that's for damn sure.  But then, that's another story for another time, isn't it?

So what's the moral of this particular historical story?  Where's all this going, Will?

Ah!  "Ban all religion!"  That's it!  Burn all the churches, synagogues, mosques and temples!  Kill all the foreigners!  Kill all the priests, preachers, imams and rabbis!  They've ALL ruined EVERYTHING!  Since... since the Garden of Eden, dammit!  Even since then.  So let's all just be secular.  Scientific, even!  Heck!  If we all get scientific enough (if Oz, the Great and Powerful passes out enough synthetic brains, rather), we can just totally abandon all that nonsense about fictional gardens of Eden, anyway, right?  Yes, with our new found, progressive wisdom, we'll all grow ever fatter, unintentionally dumber and happier, while inventing new ways to make and display vicariously fulfilling violence and pornography.  Manga.  Yeah!  Tentacle porn!  For people of all ages.  And what's the harm in any of that, right?

Hmm.  Well, somehow, even without religion, I have a sneaking feeling that mankind will find SOMETHING or other to fight about.

No!  Don't say that!  Let's all be forcibly EQUAL!  Homogenous.  Without all that strife, and foreign born intrigue, we'll all just retreat back into the ghosts within our glittering shells and... just hibernate.  We'll all just go to sleep.  Get comfortable, and just... doze off into CULTural oblivion.  We'll all just take that long winter's nap that Godzilla keeps taking.  Until... until yet another one of those days rolls around yet again, when a newfangled, foreign made weapon of atomic age war will wake the big, dumb, long slumbering lizard up.  And the belligerent brute will wreck havoc once again upon our flimsy (but oh, so picturesque), passive little wood and paper houses.

And then, we'll all burn.

Well... not all of us, you understand.  Some of us will survive.  We'll  rise up from the ashes, the way we've always done, just like the fabled phoenix.  And it'll all start all over again - our fight, our struggle, our strife, our time to grow and change.  When yet another foreign power (this time, maybe... I don't kow... China... making a state sanctioned, merchant class funded global comeback) will prompt us to have to rebuild and once again martial our military might and nationalistic pride and prejudice to... scare the unholy, secular, living shit out the rest of the world, who themselves just want to rest in peace.

And so it goes.  And so it goes. 

~ The Japanese Expulsion Edicts of 1635 and 1639 can be found here: http://wps.pearsoncustom.com/wps/media/objects/2426/2484749/chap_assets/documents/doc17_2.html

Please Go to Screen 1... and WAIT YOUR TURN Like Everybody Else!

The McDonald's restaurant at Causeway Bay in Hong Kong is so popular, you have to take a number AND wait in a gigantic line.

Waiting in line at this particular super sized McDonald's in Hong Kong is a bit of a chore (especially during the busiest times on a weekend), but the staff was fast, friendly and very efficient.  The organization system of where to order and pick up food is actually pretty decent, but on the day that my wife and I visited, many of the customers seemed to be rather confused as to how and where to properly and/or politely wait in line.  Not a McDonald's corporation problem, per say, in my opinion.  It's more of a 'the locals don't quite yet know how to queue properly' problem, but it's still developing, crowd challenged Asia, after all.

Specifically, a local Asian man complained to me (while we were both waiting for our orders) that the "old system was much better."  He called the new queue system an "American way" that "sucks," and was rather disgruntled and quite rude in telling me just exactly that.  I countered that I don't think that it's about RACE at all.  Or nationality.  Or traditional Chinese national pride either, for that matter.  I told him that I think the system could be even MORE organized, but he didn't seem to like that, and basically shut me off when I wouldn't agree that the American way "sucks."  And yet he was the one who started to complain to me (a total stranger), FIRST.

"Racist?"  Probably not.  Just another rude dude who can speak just enough English to put his foot in his whiny mouth.  And I unfortunately know enough people like that from back home, actually!  And I guess I still, after all my years living in Asia, look just enough like a typical white American to be a prime target for abuse.  Oh well.  So be it, but I don't own the McDonald's corporation, I didn't overpopulate China (or Asia in general), and I didn't visit Hong Kong just so I could impose my white imperialistic rule on the otherwise happy people of Asia.  Hmm.  I guess I look friendly enough to complain to about my country though, eh?

Blame it all on the McDonald's Corporation?  Blame it all on America?  Think again.  As IF!  I was in a former British Crown Colony, just trying to get a meal, thank you very much!  Blame it all on the British?  Uh... don't think so.  The Hong Kong locals (and increasingly the Beijing government) have been calling the shots since... oh... way back in 1997, the last time I checked.  Either way, it's not necessarily my problem if people around the world have to wait in line for American style fast food, is it?  And seriously, I AM friendly, but here's the deal: I won't dis your country if you can be polite about mine.

Enough said.

All in all though, despite that relatively negative experience with one particularly grumpy local, I really enjoyed my visit to that particular McDonald's.  And really, Hong Kong surprised me by how polite and helpful most local Chinese actually were (especially when they found out I can speak Mandarin - which opens up a totally new level of experience anywhere one might go in the Chinese​ speaking world, believe me).  I was actually expecting much worse behavior from the newly arrived Mainlanders, but then my Korean wife and I were only there for a couple of days.

I'd still rate that particular McDonald's a full five stars though.  It was relatively clean and well managed, after all - for a McDonald's in Asia, where standards of order and cleanliness may not always be what most Westerners have come to expect, given the current state of advancement of our own restaurant industry.  All in all, it was yet another fascinating and highly educational visit to a McDonald's restaurant in China; a country that is obviously (and painfully so) still undergoing more than perhaps its fair share of good old fashioned growing pains.

20150426 - Microcosm — in Hong Kong

20150426 - On the Menu at McDonald's — in Hong Kong

20150426 - Fashion!

Rude, Selfish, and Just Plain Inconsiderate

The rude, inconsiderate girl across the hall who always leaves her trash outside her door just had food ordered to be delivered at 1:20 am in the morning! Naturally, the Korean delivery guy was a real noisy, passive aggressive butt hole, too.

Asked him politely if he'd please be quiet, but he of course just kept rattling on, going to the wrong doors, rapping away in the middle of the night, and loud talking until he finally got his money from the irresponsible girl who apparently thinks it's okay to wake everybody up and disturb the peace.

And no, reporting this actual, real time event (that's actually not all that atypical in "modern," overcrowded, neon scarred Asia), does not make me or anyone else who has standards for human behavior a "racist." In America, we are trained (brainwashed maybe) to think that everything is about "race" (and probably because our country is such a diverse melting pot), but sometimes, it's just about people being rude, inconsiderate and selfish.

In fact, if you really, genuinely believe that there is only one race, and that we're all equal, you're probably actually an excessively politically correct, grandstanding, race mongering jerk if you think that all human beings don't have to sleep at night, regardless of CULTure.

On Being Unique and Special - Or... Tales of the Hair Shop Horror!

Naruto, yet another cartoon character with impossible hair.  But hey!  It makes him unique and SPECIAL!

 The lady at the hair shop sure is nice, but typical in 'one size fits all' Asia, like pretty much every single time I've EVER gotten my hair cut in China, Taiwan or Korea, she stubbornly (and unconsciously, perhaps) just keeps trying to give me spiky, triangular Japanese anime sideburns.   Uh... funny thing is... I'm a REAL white guy!  I am NOT Naruto, somebody's STEREOTYPICAL anamorphic, CULTure-centric FANTASY about how they wish somebody actually did look.

OKAY?

Noooooo!  Of course it's not okay!  You have to look just like all of them, of course.  There's ENORMOUS social pressure to look, act and think JUST LIKE ALL OF THEM!  Funny thing is though... that, naturally, they wake up from time to time and discover that they all look, act and think, not exactly the same, but as a CULTural necessity, pretty damn similar in most respects.  So some of them (the ones with an even greater need to be "special") really do feel even more social pressure to get plastic surgery, start wearing colored contact lenses, and/or having their hair colored some bizarre shade of orange.  Just to be... "different?"   Zany!

I even drew pictures of the profiles of people with different haircuts ON MY HAND, desperately trying to get the woman to understand that I did NOT want pointed Asian style hair sprouting down the sides of my white man face!  But, alas, she STILL did not get it.  Then... she practically DEMANDED of me that I allow her to wash my hair.

Of course, because I felt really guilty for being such a pain in the ass foreign customer, I gave her the vicarious thrill of letting her run her fingers through my foreign scalp while she washed my hair, in her compulsory need to service every single customer the way she is accustomed to.  But seriously... I really don't need anyone else to wash my damn stinky foreign hair.  'Cause... psst!   I take a shower every day, you know.

And... psst!  NOOOOOBODY really has hair like FICTIONAL Naruto!  NOOOOOBODY!  But what can ya say, right?  FASHION!  Which is something that brainwashes people in EVERY COUNTRY, right?  Not only the millions and millions and MILLIONS of people in individuality challenged Asia.

But the vast majority of people in Asia don't resort to plastic surgery to compete with the massive herd, to hopefully be different and special.  Currently, the plastic surgery stereotype is just a trendy, shallow South Korean thing.  No, most other Far East Asians just engage in elaborate social and/or financial ruse after elaborate social and/or financial ruse, just to try to stand out above the crowd.  These odd social manipulations usually entail the usual psychological 'ME ME ME' tactics that people everywhere around the world tend to unconsciously deploy.  But perhaps by sheer necessity, in Asia, the 'me first' stimulus that naturally drives all human beings, gets kicked into OVERDRIVE.

So if a little first grader, for only one purely hypothetical example, that cries and cries and cries for attention all the time (despite never having any real physical ailment) doesn't get enough of a certain social drug called SYMPATHY, the poor little thing continually tries to ESCALATE the budding young hypochondriac style symptoms. And THEN... her mother gets in on the act.  Why?  Well, see, mother has been unconsciously teaching this kid to constantly play the victim all her extremely brief young life.  Why?

Because maybe she (mother or daughter, take your pick) doesn't feel that she is either smart, cute or special enough to compete with the other kids.   So... she continually plays the poor little cripple card.  'Oh, don't mind me!   I'm sick!  I'm too small for my age.   I'm just not clever enough, mommy keeps saying,  so... boo hoo... I don't really wanna play the game that all the other kids are enjoying, anyhow.  I just wanna sit here and ball my little eyes out!'   So that when mama shows up, she can get her own selfish fix from asking WHY her kid is crying!  WHO, dammit, has been being mean to her?  She's special, don't you see?  She may not be as smart, pretty or big as the other kids, but SHE'S MY KID, DAMMIT!

Yes sir, a PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE MASTERPIECE!

Oh well.  Blame it all on them damn foreigners.  That's the ticket, yeah! 

Welcome to Public Trash Receptacle Deprived, Littered Up Asia!

Advertisement (that NOBODY pays attention to anyway) via LITTER!  Welcome to shameless, trash bin deprived, littered up "happy" Asia!

I recently had a confrontation with the motorcycle riding creep, here in South Korea, who keeps throwing handfuls of business cards at the front door (and all over the street in front of our) school.  I guess the pot just boils over sometimes, you know.  So I quickly picked up a handful of his cards, tore them up, ran up to him on his motorcycle, and threw TRASH at HIM for a change.

See... I have Irish, Scottish, and obviously Viking blood, it seems, so I guess I just got European Medieval Warrior style NUTS all of the sudden, and went after that dude when I caught him in the act that day.  Yes, I guess I just reverted to "type."  Hey!  In my own defense, living in Asia is often pretty similar to living in the Middle Ages, so... yep, no back handed Asian style retaliation when nobody is looking for yours truly, thank you very much.  I was raised in Viking style Western society, after all.  I was definitely not raised in this passive aggressive society.

And I don't even share any of their blood, or the societal traits they've been forced to inculcate for literally thousands of years - which, for your information, are the direct result of thousands of years of Imperial Chinese, Japanese AND Korean inequality and corruption.  So, for a change, I'm sorry, but I really don't think one group of Far East Asians can blame certain social tendencies that they all share on each other.  But I'm sure they will keep trying to do just exactly that.  Why stop now?

And I hear that in Japan, litter is pretty rare.  Hmm.  Is THAT the real reason why all the other Far East Asians hate the Japanese so very, very much?  Hmm.

So anyway, I jumped out of the car we had just arrived in, and went after the guy on the motorcycle.  It was a real, good old fashioned, medieval jousting style titling match for a moment there!  Because I'm sure the guy (who was wearing a full, TINTED helmet) thought he had the anonymity that most Asians seem to love so very much, with their illegally tinted car windows (to hide their shamelessly bad driving habits, apparently).

This dude also had no license plate on the back of his motorcycle.  Imagine THAT in Asia!  And don't kid yourself: South Korean, Chinese and Taiwanese traffic laws are pretty damn similar in most cases, to American and British laws.  Look it up!  I'll wait.

So... no excuses, please.

Anyway, that motorcycle riding flunkie also thought he had the upper hand, because he was sitting up on a powerful riding machine.  Until, that is, I think he wised up and saw that I was pretty upset, from what seems like endless days that I've had to pick up his filthy litter.  And martial art skills or no, if I got close enough to him, I was gonna knock his ever loving Korean ass OFF that crotch rocket.  You know, level the playing field a little.  In the grand old tradition of REAL DEMOCRACY.

But he sped away, of course.  And playing fair and square isn't exactly the Asian way of doing things most of the time.

But wouldn't you know it, the punk just had to come back.   'Cause he figured I wouldn't be there, out in the street, waiting for him, and he would be able to really stick it to me, by throwing EVEN MORE handfuls of cards on the street - where I'd have to pick them up on a daily basis.  And let me tell you, it often seems like all I ever do is pick up after selfish, lazy, littering Orientals who seem to think they don't have to throw away their own trash.

Grow up and wipe your own butt much, "modern" Asians?  But hey!  We can't all be parented the same way, can we?  Some of us just definitely seem to need to have codependent tendencies instilled in us by needy, 'pay me back when I get old' parents.  You know, parents that selfishly dote on us, so they'll have the big face of showing others that they are so attentive to their kids.  Hopelessly codependent kids that they can blackmail to take care of them when they get older, too.  See how that works?

CULTure!  It's all the rage.  And not just in fabled Far East Asia (where more and more senior citizens are not only NOT being taken care of by their money obsessed children, but where those elders are now committing suicide in record numbers).  If I were to speak in the defense of Asians everywhere, that is.  Which, I sometimes really do do, believe it or not.  'Cause this isn't about "race."  It's about REALLY, REALLY BAD HABITS habitually committed by various groups of people (NOT just Far East Asians) that are still trying really, really hard to climb up out of the Dark Ages.

Yes, the Dark Ages.  You know, when people just threw their trash and waste water out into the street.  Oh wait!  I saw that just a few short years ago in Shanghai, China!  Which is supposed to be the most "modern" city in China....  BULLSH#$T!  Tall buildings and capitalism, I am oh, so sorry to say, does NOT modernity make, kids.

See... the thing is, what Mr. Littering Motorcycle Creep is doing, like a lot of accepted practices in Asia, is ILLEGAL.  So SCREW WHAT YOU THINK YOU KNOW ABOUT "CULTure," and peaceful, happy, self effacing "Buddhists" in hopelessly corrupt, litter strewn, passive aggressive Northeast Asia.   'Cause... duh! I'm fully aware that not all Asians are exactly the same - despite the MASSIVE SOCIAL PRESSURE they are all under from the cradle to the grave, to just be one of the passively aggressively misbehaving crowd.   Are you aware of what makes different groups of people different AND similar?  Really?  Seriously?  How much do YOU really know about what things are REALLY like in Northeast Asia?

Here's the REAL DEAL: Littering is littering, and is bad for the environment in ANY country - you overly liberal, enabling, excuse making scum out there, who don't know what you're talking about anyway, when you're making judgments from afar.  My wife is Asian, thank you very much, and I'll have you know that she doesn't make excuses to avoid civic responsibility.  Like yours truly, she obeys the local and international law, as often as humanly possible.

So, when that littering motorcycle creep came back, I had my camera ready and set to video.  Sure enough, the COWARD saw me and turned tail.  But the passive aggressive scumbag will, I'm sure, be back.   But I'll get 'im.  'Cause harassment can definitely work both ways.  And bullies tend to only understand reverse bullying, you know.   So I'll get the littering, anally retentive creep.  One way or another.  And this Yankee cowboy isn't gonna hide like a coward behind his actions when I do.

So You Think You Know About "Racism"

Just for starters, I'd like to humbly say, "SCREW ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE EVERYWHERE who would accuse me of being 'a RACIST!'"  Screw every single last one of you!   Because for your information, I AM A FREAKING MINORITY!

Oh, yes, I am!

I've lived for MORE THAN A DECADE (and counting) in places (three Asian countries - though only two if you seriously think that Taiwan is NOT a sovereign nation and that Beijing should be able to continue to bully its people) where there are extremely few white people like myself.  And sometimes, it hurts like HELL just to be in this region.  Why?  Because most of East Asia is still mired in Medieval thinking AND social practices, that's why.  Despite, that is, their love for any and all bright, shiny new modern Western gadgets, trinkets and baubles.

And not that I want to be a whiner, but very few people (if anyone) in this region even understands what makes me tick, let alone the principles I was raised to value as an American citizen.  Very few Asians, for example, at this stage in global development (hence, the term, "developing country"), truly understand things like EQUALITY and DEMOCRACY.  Oh sure, they talk the talk, don't they?  Both North Korea AND Mainland China have the word "Democratic" in their official title for their countries!  What a total crock of BS, and everyone knows it. Except... maybe all the poor, dumb people in ANY country who buy into the communist propaganda machine.

Sure, the Chinese have capitalism down pat, 'cause that's EASY, see.  You sell stuff to people to bolster your economy and build your imperial power, see.  Big whoop!

But capitalism is NOT democracy.  And I think communist China has done a better than average job of proving just exactly that - that you can enrich your powerful elite by capitalizing on the love of money, but it doesn't mean you give a DAMN about human rights or FREEDOM in general.

So, yeah, most East Asians seriously just don't quite get it yet.  Because unlike most Western countries, they still have a foot (maybe a whole damn leg, an arm and a spleen to boot) in the Middle Ages!

And not everybody kisses my ass over here (OR back in the US, for your information), just because I'm white.  Nor do I want anyone to.  In fact, every single time I have encountered special treatment in China, Taiwan or South Korea, it was EXTREMELY EMBARRASSING and completely and totally unwanted, unnecessary, and UNWELCOME.  In fact, usually, in those situations, I've gotten the distinct impression that I was being treated that way, usually in a very public fashion, to either get big face off of me, or to curry some kind of "I scratch your back, you scratch my back later" kind of favor with me.  And sorry, but WHITEY DON'T NEED or APPRECIATE THAT SHAT!

But hey... I'm just here as a humble language teacher, doing something that is hopefully worthwhile, that may one day IMPROVE the lives of the ordinary East Asians that I touch every single day.  Something besides being the usual "arm chair quarterback," who has never known what it's truly like to be a single soldier, with your boots on the ground in a totally foreign land, where the values you grew up with are simply not even acknowledged, much less understood.

No, I'm not in the military and I don't carry a weapon, but hopefully, day by day, I am making some kind of difference - no matter how small.  And, at least I'm doing something BESIDES accusing everyone else of being a "racist" to score social points!  So, RACE MONGERS out there, you are hereby cordially invited to KISS MY FREEDOM LOVING RED, WHITE AND BLUE AMERICAN ASS!

Living in China

Oh, this is a gas! I've known about Men Without Hats for ages (because of their trademark hit, 'The Safety Dance,' but never knew until today, that they recorded this song.  With snappy lyrics like, "What did the Chairman want?  A great big wall they could all watch Occidentals on," how can anyone possibly go wrong?

But... is it a "racist" song?  Oh my!  I sincerely doubt that, all you hypocritical, race mongering, guilt tripping bastards out there.  Just waiting to pounce, aren't we?  The modern INQUISITION is the constant, wholly undemocratic threat that people live under, that they will be ruined in society for being labeled "racist."  It's the 21st century equivalent of the Scarlet Letter.

But seriously, you should hear what people in China say in their own language(s) about white AND black folks.  They don't even have much nice to say about other yellow people!  If anything, they're actually much harder on their Japanese, Taiwanese and Korean counterparts in the region than they are on other "foreign devils."  Especially the Japanese.  They REALLY hate them, of course.

And most Chinese don't mean most of it maliciously, in fact.  It's just how they refer to people outside their "middle country" borders.  Either way, the word "racism" is a relatively recent addition to the English language, and believe me, very few people around the world that us extra careful Western folks bend over backwards to not offend, are actually doing much to pay us the same respect in return.  And true to freedom deprived, communist style, imperialistic form, they don't even have the luxury of being able to vote Republican OR Democrat!  So chew on that for a while, why don't ya?

But don't just take my word for it.  If you're not already familiar with the YouTube channel, China Uncensored, have a look at the following highly informative video.  Just remember though, that those "demonic" Japanese deserve every bit of the seven decades (and counting) of outright slander that they continue (as an entire "race") to endure.  Well... don't they?  Ah, hate!  Use it or abuse it, I guess....

http://lyrics.wikia.com/Men_Without_Hats:Living_In_China

Another Year, Another April Fools' Day in East Asia

So, it was April Fools' Day over here in South Korea.  All day, I asked all my little students if they knew what day it was (beyond the actual date, April 1st), and interestingly enough, only the older ones knew what April Fools' Day is.  They called it, "Liar's Day."  WHAT?  Why does it always seem like everybody in this region is always looking for a good reason to lie about something?

Oh!  CULTure again!  Well, that excuses EVERYTHING, doesn't it?  Either way, it's been quite an uphill battle, trying to get my students to understand that playing practical jokes on a given special day of the year does not necessarily equate to "Liar's Day."  I mean, does anybody in the West really think that April Fools' Day is a special day when you have carte blanche to lie?  SHEESH!

Okay.  Fine.  I'm just supposed to look at this all with "an open mind."  You know, all "liberal," and all that good stuff, right?   Different people in different countries have different ways, after all, right?  Sure!  That's why, given that Nazism grew out of generations of old world European and Germanic CULTure, it was perfectly normal and okay (at least for a while) for Hitler's government to pass legislation to strip European Jews of their property.  And then... later on, it must have also been perfectly okay for those first simple laws to progress to DEATH CAMPS! RIGHT?   'Cause, see, "different people in different countries have different ways!"

Uh-uh.  No, you're not fooling me!  No way, no how!

Somehow, I don't think that "CULTure" can, or EVER should, supersede basic human common sense and morality.   'Cause a bunch of people slowly starving to death in a concentration camp is still a bunch of people slowly starving to death in a concentration camp, whether it's in Nazi Germany or North Korea.  Nukes or no nukes, facts are still facts, you see.   I mean, as human beings, we all bleed the same way, don't we?  We all come into the world the same way, and pass gas the same way, so... how can CULTure really alter what is best (or ultimately harmful) for ALL human beings?

Good "liberal" Jedi mind trick there, but... I'm not buying it.  Nope.  Uh-uh.  April Fools' Day or not, I mean, "what's good for the goose is always good for the gander, right?"   In other words, lying over here on this side of the globe, despite any and all CULTural practices, is still pretty much lying over in some other corner of the globe - no matter how you slice, dice (or spin) it.  After all, a falsehood is a falsehood, and just twisting it around in your "open minded" head doesn't really change the facts.
 

But what am I saying?  "Different people in different countries have different ways of doing things."  Guess I'll just keep telling myself that.  Until I actually believe it, right?  Nah. I think it'll be a cold day in Hell when I buy into any of that copious, shameless bull crap.  'Cause here's the thing; I KNOW better.  I was simply raised better than that.   And all the clever Jedi Mind Tricks in the world can never really change any of that.
Of course, I think it's good to be open minded.   I'm pretty open minded about a whole lot of things, myself.   Like the paranormal, for example. I figure anyone who believes in what Fox Mulder of The X-Files often referred to as "extreme possibilities," has got to be pretty darned opened minded.   So yes, I truly believe in being "open minded."  I just think that some people are, perhaps by nature, so open minded that, their brain sort of starts rolling around in their head.  You know, in all that vast open space up there.