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| 20151216 - Walkin' in a Neon Wonderland |
But hey, it's Asia! People here don't get mad mad though, you know. Oh, you didn't know that? Yes, they're all perfect! Unlike us grumpy white "foreign devils," they are all delicate, finely crafted Confucian masterpieces, culturally molded to never even so much as show genuine emotions. Other than LOUD and superficially "happy," of course. So yes, come! Come see the (passive aggressive) paradise!
So I did what I hate to do most on any given Sunday anywhere in Asia; I went out and faced the FACE of Asian style passive aggression. Or was it that I got in the face OF Asian style passive aggression? I get all the subtle nuisances confused, of course. 'Cause I am a "barbarian" whitey, after all, you know.
So I did what I hate to do most on any given Sunday anywhere in Asia; I went out and faced the FACE of Asian style passive aggression. Or was it that I got in the face OF Asian style passive aggression? I get all the subtle nuisances confused, of course. 'Cause I am a "barbarian" whitey, after all, you know.
So, very reluctantly, I went down to the nearby "stationary store" - which is little more than the usual Asian style hole in the wall shop, with odd bits of aging, dust collecting stuff that would be valuable if any of it had actually been sold a decade previously.
Yet you can still find something or other of value though in these crappy little, hole in the wall Asian shops. If, that is, you know what to look for, and you can even stand to deal with the often nonsensical behavior of many of the often terribly rude locals. So I found myself a good keyboard with a cover for the keys in this particular "stationary store," that actually makes the newfangled computerized contraption virtually silent.
Score!
Unfortunately however, the shop owner apparently doesn't like my attitude. It seems I'm too... maybe... NOT KOREAN enough? Yes, I think so. In any case, I was as polite as I know how to be, and I would even argue, a damn sight more accommodating and thoughtful than the average person over here tends to be.
For example, while I was trying hard to find what I needed in the tiny shop with impossibly narrow aisles (that look like nobody ever cleans them), I was forced to put up with some chubby, big headed dude wearing the usual pair of thick specs. He naturally came waltzing in like he owned the place (probably an age or monetary status thing), and went straight up to the counter, practically pushing me out of the way.
But hey, it's Asia! It's what a lot of people over here do! Oh? Really? SERIOUSLY? You thought it was all Confucian logic, "harmony," and mutual respect? Dude.... As if! But if you've never lived in this region, or have never been around anybody who comes from here, then you probably think that the Fabled Far East is a paradise of beautiful, submissive, dark haired, forever trim and proper young women. And often effeminate men that you honestly think you can just ignore....
Awe, gosh! You simple, simple (but certainly well meaning) person, you.
So anyway, I also had to do my very best to totally ignore the presumably sweet young thing that floated in through the front door of the hole in the wall shop on Sailor Moon style wings of light and youthful, big eyed grace, looking like she was mighty sure she'd seen some dumb white dude or other come in there, who would surely marvel at her nubile, ebony haired, young Asian style beauty. I'm sure she had her contacts in and had likely paid off her eye augmentation surgery months and months prior. Or maybe she'd had a nose job too. Hard to say, cause I didn't look too closely. Don't need more of where that came from! NO SIREE!
Anyway, she was probably a real nice human being, that nice looking girl. But... she seemed a bit too interested in having Mr. Foreign Dude (yours very truly) take notice. I didn't oblige the young lady, of course. That would most likely give my own dark haired lady all the necessarily ammunition needed to cast my supposedly wicked foreign ass out of this unhappy little "paradise" of weekend carousing and chain smoking Korean oblivion. But then, you probably thought that everybody is dancing in the streets in South Korea ('cause we all know what they're up to up in the North, right?), with all the hot young chicks in tight skirts, singing 'Gangnam Style.'
Uh... nope. Not even close. But here it is again, the pride of modern South Korea. Just in case you forgot how loud, frenetic and obnoxious this wonderful song can seem to the uninitiated. Or to all us dumb old foreigners who just don't get it, that is.
Now wasn't that refreshing!
Anyhoo... so when Mr. Big Head (which is what I think I'll call him, since I'll probably never know his real name) came into the hole in the wall "stationary store" and practically ribbed me out of the way, I just said all the proper, "polite" Korean phrases that I actually know how to say. Though I must admit that what often seems to be the robotic nature of many Asian language phrases is what I personally consider to be far too inadequate as a means of true interpersonal communication.
But then, I would never say that most people in this part of the world are actually all that good at really communicating their true wants, needs, and ideas. It's Asia, after all! You don't really have to be smart, after all. You just have to pass enough tests to make it look like you are! You don't have to care what anybody else is doing or why. You just have to know all the "polite" local phrases to make them get out of your damn way. Because sadly, they don't always like to do even that much, just to be "polite."
Yet you can still find something or other of value though in these crappy little, hole in the wall Asian shops. If, that is, you know what to look for, and you can even stand to deal with the often nonsensical behavior of many of the often terribly rude locals. So I found myself a good keyboard with a cover for the keys in this particular "stationary store," that actually makes the newfangled computerized contraption virtually silent.
Score!
Unfortunately however, the shop owner apparently doesn't like my attitude. It seems I'm too... maybe... NOT KOREAN enough? Yes, I think so. In any case, I was as polite as I know how to be, and I would even argue, a damn sight more accommodating and thoughtful than the average person over here tends to be.
For example, while I was trying hard to find what I needed in the tiny shop with impossibly narrow aisles (that look like nobody ever cleans them), I was forced to put up with some chubby, big headed dude wearing the usual pair of thick specs. He naturally came waltzing in like he owned the place (probably an age or monetary status thing), and went straight up to the counter, practically pushing me out of the way.
But hey, it's Asia! It's what a lot of people over here do! Oh? Really? SERIOUSLY? You thought it was all Confucian logic, "harmony," and mutual respect? Dude.... As if! But if you've never lived in this region, or have never been around anybody who comes from here, then you probably think that the Fabled Far East is a paradise of beautiful, submissive, dark haired, forever trim and proper young women. And often effeminate men that you honestly think you can just ignore....
Awe, gosh! You simple, simple (but certainly well meaning) person, you.
So anyway, I also had to do my very best to totally ignore the presumably sweet young thing that floated in through the front door of the hole in the wall shop on Sailor Moon style wings of light and youthful, big eyed grace, looking like she was mighty sure she'd seen some dumb white dude or other come in there, who would surely marvel at her nubile, ebony haired, young Asian style beauty. I'm sure she had her contacts in and had likely paid off her eye augmentation surgery months and months prior. Or maybe she'd had a nose job too. Hard to say, cause I didn't look too closely. Don't need more of where that came from! NO SIREE!
Anyway, she was probably a real nice human being, that nice looking girl. But... she seemed a bit too interested in having Mr. Foreign Dude (yours very truly) take notice. I didn't oblige the young lady, of course. That would most likely give my own dark haired lady all the necessarily ammunition needed to cast my supposedly wicked foreign ass out of this unhappy little "paradise" of weekend carousing and chain smoking Korean oblivion. But then, you probably thought that everybody is dancing in the streets in South Korea ('cause we all know what they're up to up in the North, right?), with all the hot young chicks in tight skirts, singing 'Gangnam Style.'
Uh... nope. Not even close. But here it is again, the pride of modern South Korea. Just in case you forgot how loud, frenetic and obnoxious this wonderful song can seem to the uninitiated. Or to all us dumb old foreigners who just don't get it, that is.
Now wasn't that refreshing!
Anyhoo... so when Mr. Big Head (which is what I think I'll call him, since I'll probably never know his real name) came into the hole in the wall "stationary store" and practically ribbed me out of the way, I just said all the proper, "polite" Korean phrases that I actually know how to say. Though I must admit that what often seems to be the robotic nature of many Asian language phrases is what I personally consider to be far too inadequate as a means of true interpersonal communication.
But then, I would never say that most people in this part of the world are actually all that good at really communicating their true wants, needs, and ideas. It's Asia, after all! You don't really have to be smart, after all. You just have to pass enough tests to make it look like you are! You don't have to care what anybody else is doing or why. You just have to know all the "polite" local phrases to make them get out of your damn way. Because sadly, they don't always like to do even that much, just to be "polite."
Be that as it may, I made it clear, despite my oh so "polite," highly programmed Korean 'imnida' and 'yo' laced phrases, from the tone of my voice alone, that I thought that Mr. Big Head was being just a little selfish and rude. I had to resort to tone of voice, mind you, because the usual, "polite" Korean phraseology most likely wouldn't have gotten me anywhere if I had used the usual, robotic sounding local tonal form of 'self expression.'
At any rate, once Mr. Big Head had cleared out, I was then free to ask the clerk/store owner about the price of the keyboard, as well as some artist's illustration board I wanted to purchase. He very, very, VERY passive-aggressively pointed to the sticker on the keyboard box that I had overlooked - while I was unfortunately being distracted by Mr. Big Head, of course.
I thanked the clerk (whom I'll call Mr. Friendly) for pointing out the price of the keyboard, and then reached for the illustration board. I had in fact seen that the board cost 10,000 KRW (roughly $10 US or MORE, depending on the current exchange rate), but before I could even ask him how much it would cost if I purchased more than one sheet (in bulk), he apparently decided it would be a golden opportunity for him to be really, really passive aggressive about the location of the sticker on the illustration board sleeve - which I HAD seen already.
So I told Mr. Friendly that I'm not quite as stupid as all the other foreign whiteys. NO, I didn't say THAT, but something similar. Anyway, I just wanted to ask the guy if I bought more than one sheet, could I get it cheaper? I then did my best to point out that his stock of that particular board was slowly getting dirty and dogeared up on the shelf of his cramped little store.
He still didn't seem to understand what I was asking, so he grabbed a piece of paper and practically demanded that I start drawing pictures for his dumb ass. I looked him squarely in the eye, put his paper back where he'd gotten it from on the counter, and told him again that I thought that he really DID fully understand exactly what I wanted. He just didn't want me to think he did. And I told him that he really shouldn't play dumb like that. I mean, it's unsightly! Even rather RUDE. But, I added, if he wanted me to, I could certainly stand there all day, teaching him sign language and drawing him pictures.
Mr. Friendly didn't want to play though, apparently. You see, I think I upset his passive aggressive little ass some months prior, on a day when I wasn't happy that he scribbled his nasty, long Asian guy fingernail on the electronic LCD pad where I was supposed to write my LAWFUL signature. I told him then in no uncertain terms not to do that for me again, because, as far as I know, it's NOT LEGAL.
But... again, it's Asia! It's a place where loads and loads of people seem to be trying as hard as they possibly can most of the time, to get away with all sorts of things that would get you JAILED in most English speaking countries. And I kid you NOT.
So on this particular day, Mr. Friendly apparently saw me coming from a passive aggressive mile off. That's fine and dandy, actually! I'll play, I thought. Bring it on! Well, he played dumb with me throughout (so he lost a bigger potential sale, too bad for HIM), but then again, he was smart enough THIS TIME to not use his nasty fingernail in place of MY LAWFUL SIGNATURE either. He at least scored a point or two with me for that, you know.
To make the usual, muddy, litter strewn Chinese or Korean street style story hopefully even more sensible, I went back into his store a little later to hopefully make things just a bit less fuzzy for the poor guy. I said, "Okay, you want me to write on your paper. I am going to write on your paper." I then used my own pen to write four simple words for that poor, poor, beleaguered man:
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE VS. AGGRESSIVE.
I then said the usual, obligatory, "polite" Korean phraseology and left his fine establishment, while he stood there behind his counter, making loud lip smacking noises and shaking his head back and forth like a confused Labrador Retriever who simply cannot find that damn stick you just haphazardly tossed across the yard.
But don't feel too bad for Mr. Friendly! Or is he Mr. Dumb? I highly doubt that he's actually all that dimwitted. In fact, I actually think that Mr. Friendly (aka, Mr. Passive Aggressive) just wanted to FIGHT. Korean style "fighting!" But then, he lives in a country and in a part of the world where people are often incredibly repressed (and hoppin' mad deep down inside because of it), and just usually tend to feel forced to be as passive as possible most of the time. Their. Whole. Lives. Long. Most of them just don't know any other way, after all.
You see, they call it "culture."
The thing is though... sometimes, try as we all might, being truly and honestly 'passive' isn't even possible. You see, that's when we dumb human beans tend to get passive aggressive. In lieu of out and out aggression, that is. So you see, I did respond in just the right CULTural way to Mr. Friendly's passive aggression. And, if the dude actually does have a brain in his big, bespectacled head, he may actually learn a little something from the four word lesson/puzzle I left him with that day.
But probably not. Because it's still Asia, after all. And they do things their own way over here, Mr. Dumb Foreign Devil. And don't you forget it! Sir Imnida. Sir Yo. Madame CULTure. Or whatever helps me seem Uncle Tom enough for you happy, harmonized folks. Who mostly go out and get stupid drunk all weekend. And chain smoke until you die. Or give your own kids a nasty bronchial problem because of your own selfish, group-centric oral fixations. That you just happen to have because your society is so pent up and people aren't even allowed any genuinely healthy emotional outlets for. Yeah. All that. Yeah. (Polite ending) "Imnida."
At any rate, once Mr. Big Head had cleared out, I was then free to ask the clerk/store owner about the price of the keyboard, as well as some artist's illustration board I wanted to purchase. He very, very, VERY passive-aggressively pointed to the sticker on the keyboard box that I had overlooked - while I was unfortunately being distracted by Mr. Big Head, of course.
I thanked the clerk (whom I'll call Mr. Friendly) for pointing out the price of the keyboard, and then reached for the illustration board. I had in fact seen that the board cost 10,000 KRW (roughly $10 US or MORE, depending on the current exchange rate), but before I could even ask him how much it would cost if I purchased more than one sheet (in bulk), he apparently decided it would be a golden opportunity for him to be really, really passive aggressive about the location of the sticker on the illustration board sleeve - which I HAD seen already.
So I told Mr. Friendly that I'm not quite as stupid as all the other foreign whiteys. NO, I didn't say THAT, but something similar. Anyway, I just wanted to ask the guy if I bought more than one sheet, could I get it cheaper? I then did my best to point out that his stock of that particular board was slowly getting dirty and dogeared up on the shelf of his cramped little store.
He still didn't seem to understand what I was asking, so he grabbed a piece of paper and practically demanded that I start drawing pictures for his dumb ass. I looked him squarely in the eye, put his paper back where he'd gotten it from on the counter, and told him again that I thought that he really DID fully understand exactly what I wanted. He just didn't want me to think he did. And I told him that he really shouldn't play dumb like that. I mean, it's unsightly! Even rather RUDE. But, I added, if he wanted me to, I could certainly stand there all day, teaching him sign language and drawing him pictures.
Mr. Friendly didn't want to play though, apparently. You see, I think I upset his passive aggressive little ass some months prior, on a day when I wasn't happy that he scribbled his nasty, long Asian guy fingernail on the electronic LCD pad where I was supposed to write my LAWFUL signature. I told him then in no uncertain terms not to do that for me again, because, as far as I know, it's NOT LEGAL.
But... again, it's Asia! It's a place where loads and loads of people seem to be trying as hard as they possibly can most of the time, to get away with all sorts of things that would get you JAILED in most English speaking countries. And I kid you NOT.
So on this particular day, Mr. Friendly apparently saw me coming from a passive aggressive mile off. That's fine and dandy, actually! I'll play, I thought. Bring it on! Well, he played dumb with me throughout (so he lost a bigger potential sale, too bad for HIM), but then again, he was smart enough THIS TIME to not use his nasty fingernail in place of MY LAWFUL SIGNATURE either. He at least scored a point or two with me for that, you know.
To make the usual, muddy, litter strewn Chinese or Korean street style story hopefully even more sensible, I went back into his store a little later to hopefully make things just a bit less fuzzy for the poor guy. I said, "Okay, you want me to write on your paper. I am going to write on your paper." I then used my own pen to write four simple words for that poor, poor, beleaguered man:
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE VS. AGGRESSIVE.
I then said the usual, obligatory, "polite" Korean phraseology and left his fine establishment, while he stood there behind his counter, making loud lip smacking noises and shaking his head back and forth like a confused Labrador Retriever who simply cannot find that damn stick you just haphazardly tossed across the yard.
But don't feel too bad for Mr. Friendly! Or is he Mr. Dumb? I highly doubt that he's actually all that dimwitted. In fact, I actually think that Mr. Friendly (aka, Mr. Passive Aggressive) just wanted to FIGHT. Korean style "fighting!" But then, he lives in a country and in a part of the world where people are often incredibly repressed (and hoppin' mad deep down inside because of it), and just usually tend to feel forced to be as passive as possible most of the time. Their. Whole. Lives. Long. Most of them just don't know any other way, after all.
You see, they call it "culture."
The thing is though... sometimes, try as we all might, being truly and honestly 'passive' isn't even possible. You see, that's when we dumb human beans tend to get passive aggressive. In lieu of out and out aggression, that is. So you see, I did respond in just the right CULTural way to Mr. Friendly's passive aggression. And, if the dude actually does have a brain in his big, bespectacled head, he may actually learn a little something from the four word lesson/puzzle I left him with that day.
But probably not. Because it's still Asia, after all. And they do things their own way over here, Mr. Dumb Foreign Devil. And don't you forget it! Sir Imnida. Sir Yo. Madame CULTure. Or whatever helps me seem Uncle Tom enough for you happy, harmonized folks. Who mostly go out and get stupid drunk all weekend. And chain smoke until you die. Or give your own kids a nasty bronchial problem because of your own selfish, group-centric oral fixations. That you just happen to have because your society is so pent up and people aren't even allowed any genuinely healthy emotional outlets for. Yeah. All that. Yeah. (Polite ending) "Imnida."
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| 20160107 - How's My Driving? ON THE FREAKIN' SIDEWALK, NO LESS! |
But hey! It's Asia. They do what they damn well please over here. Laws? They don't need to stinkin' laws! Law and order? That stuff's for "foreign devils." Duh. But seriously, I actually whipped out my camera and snapped this picture because my wife and I were walking towards the stop light, when the all too typically RUDE, selfish delivery dude that you see in the photo just suddenly rode right up and stopped right in front of us!
In fact, Mr. Rude Delivery Boy very nearly knocked my wife and I both over. Of course, he didn't say a word! No apology. Nothing. He didn't even seem to notice that we even existed! To him, we were apparently just a couple of random obstacles to be swept out of his way. I should have knocked his selfish ass over. Maybe next time I will. Hey! It's Asia. As I was told in Taiwan, "The rules are; no rules."
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