I just finally moved in with my wife. Last year, when we got married (and up until May 23rd of this year), I was in the middle of a contract, teaching in another city, an hours drive away. Now, we are having to integrate all our junk into a tiny living space, in an old, poorly maintained apartment building. We live in a single unit with this long hallway that is noisy as hell. The mechanisms that close the big metal front doors on all these units wore out at least a decade ago, so unless an occupant gently and quietly pulls the door shut behind them when they come and go, there is an almost deafening sound. No big deal sometimes, but the guy next door smokes (a very common vice among many, many nervous, apparently anal retentive Korean and non-Korean men), so he goes in an out to suck on his cancer stick at all hours.
And... the big, heavy metal front door of his apartment slams mightily with every single entrance and exit.
My wife has been suffering with this noise pollution for months now and so, now that I've moved in, I am trying to help soothe her nerves a bit by asking the other residents on this floor to PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE not let their doors slam! Thing is... people in overcrowded, pent-up, can't show your emotions (except the typical plastic, fake "happy" smile) Asia cannot take confrontation of ANY KIND. Almost any form of direct, honest communication, no matter how you try to approach it, is considered "RUDE" to them. This, unfortunately, seems to be the result of centuries of strictly enforced Confucianism, stacked precariously atop a whole slew of various other societal and environmental pressures.
So... yesterday, when I attempted to tackle a number of problems head on (such as, a guy double parked downstairs, blocking both our cars, and I even had to speak directly to several tenants who I observed firsthand letting their doors slam), we were confronted by this viciously grumpy building guard who tried to tell my wife that "no foreigners live here." His point was that I have no right to ask some asshole to move his double parked car, or to bother fellow tenants who are BOTHERING US (unintentionally, carelessly, passive-aggressively, or otherwise)! But... my Korean wife promptly and politely told this do nothing, who growls every time you even ask him a simple question, that she already registered me as an occupant of the building.
This grumpy guard (whom my wife is afraid to even ask if any packages have come for her in her absence) basically just sits in the guard office all day, watching Korean TV shows, and doesn't want to be bothered. If you actually make him work, he'll scowl and grump at you. After we shut his mean mouth up by simply and politely telling him that I am in fact a registered occupant of the building now, he even tried to give me the old Korean stare down when we were waiting to get in the elevator. This Asian version of the "Mexican standoff" is really the only way that people here have to vent their feelings. Well... that and GETTING STUPID DRUNK EVERY WEEKEND to kill the pain of this pent-up society.
In any case, I stared right back at him till he looked away. I won. But mind you, I am NOT supposed to do that because... I AM WHITE AND WAS NOT BORN IN KOREA. I played by Korean passive-aggressive rules and won, but he'll be back. The next step that most disgruntled Koreans resort to, if they feel deeply, deeply offended (and they OFTEN do), is to try to get revenge some other way, at a later time. You know, back stabbing or some other end around butt slamming - even if they have to make something up to try to get back at you.
So, yeah, I'd definitely have to say that this place is definitely a powder keg, just waiting to go off. After we went upstairs, after the Korean stare down game with the grumpy guard, my wife told me that very recently, a sensational murder case made national South Korean news. Apparently, some Korean guy endured door slamming in his building for so long, without recourse, that one day, he finally snapped, and went to another apartment and... KILLED THE OCCUPANT THAT HE THOUGHT WAS SLAMMING THE DOOR TOO OFTEN. Welcome to "the land of morning calm."
Oh, and one last thing. The fact that I had the good old fashioned guts to address these problems with several Koreans face to face, apparently means that I am "a barbarian." I think I smell RACISM. Scratch that! I'm getting really sick to death of that over-used and abused term. Try, xenophobia. If the shoe fits, wear it.
And... the big, heavy metal front door of his apartment slams mightily with every single entrance and exit.
My wife has been suffering with this noise pollution for months now and so, now that I've moved in, I am trying to help soothe her nerves a bit by asking the other residents on this floor to PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE not let their doors slam! Thing is... people in overcrowded, pent-up, can't show your emotions (except the typical plastic, fake "happy" smile) Asia cannot take confrontation of ANY KIND. Almost any form of direct, honest communication, no matter how you try to approach it, is considered "RUDE" to them. This, unfortunately, seems to be the result of centuries of strictly enforced Confucianism, stacked precariously atop a whole slew of various other societal and environmental pressures.
So... yesterday, when I attempted to tackle a number of problems head on (such as, a guy double parked downstairs, blocking both our cars, and I even had to speak directly to several tenants who I observed firsthand letting their doors slam), we were confronted by this viciously grumpy building guard who tried to tell my wife that "no foreigners live here." His point was that I have no right to ask some asshole to move his double parked car, or to bother fellow tenants who are BOTHERING US (unintentionally, carelessly, passive-aggressively, or otherwise)! But... my Korean wife promptly and politely told this do nothing, who growls every time you even ask him a simple question, that she already registered me as an occupant of the building.
This grumpy guard (whom my wife is afraid to even ask if any packages have come for her in her absence) basically just sits in the guard office all day, watching Korean TV shows, and doesn't want to be bothered. If you actually make him work, he'll scowl and grump at you. After we shut his mean mouth up by simply and politely telling him that I am in fact a registered occupant of the building now, he even tried to give me the old Korean stare down when we were waiting to get in the elevator. This Asian version of the "Mexican standoff" is really the only way that people here have to vent their feelings. Well... that and GETTING STUPID DRUNK EVERY WEEKEND to kill the pain of this pent-up society.
In any case, I stared right back at him till he looked away. I won. But mind you, I am NOT supposed to do that because... I AM WHITE AND WAS NOT BORN IN KOREA. I played by Korean passive-aggressive rules and won, but he'll be back. The next step that most disgruntled Koreans resort to, if they feel deeply, deeply offended (and they OFTEN do), is to try to get revenge some other way, at a later time. You know, back stabbing or some other end around butt slamming - even if they have to make something up to try to get back at you.
So, yeah, I'd definitely have to say that this place is definitely a powder keg, just waiting to go off. After we went upstairs, after the Korean stare down game with the grumpy guard, my wife told me that very recently, a sensational murder case made national South Korean news. Apparently, some Korean guy endured door slamming in his building for so long, without recourse, that one day, he finally snapped, and went to another apartment and... KILLED THE OCCUPANT THAT HE THOUGHT WAS SLAMMING THE DOOR TOO OFTEN. Welcome to "the land of morning calm."
Oh, and one last thing. The fact that I had the good old fashioned guts to address these problems with several Koreans face to face, apparently means that I am "a barbarian." I think I smell RACISM. Scratch that! I'm getting really sick to death of that over-used and abused term. Try, xenophobia. If the shoe fits, wear it.
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