The Truth Only Hurts When You Can't Bear To Hear It

One day, in 2008, in Shanghai, I was very, very hungry. There are plenty of McDonald's and KFCs everywhere, but you get really, really tired of eating that stuff all the time, day in and day out. And even at a Chinese owned and operated KFC, I got food poisoned because they apparently refused to follow the American cooking safety rules. What can you say? When the cat's away, the mice will play!

And it's their country and their CULTure, right? They should be allowed to do what they want, right? Even if it flies in the face of common human safety and the universal need for good health practices! RIGHT? See... you don't get to break universal laws just because of belonging to a certain political party, the "right church" or because you were born in a certain country. It doesn't work that way in the hard, cold real world.

So that day, I went out looking for local food. Which can be a very scary experience, indeed. But I can speak Mandarin Chinese, so I found a place with a window buffet. I looked in at the trays of various foods in many different colored sauces.

"What's that one?" I'd point and ask the nice man in Mandarin. "Ju rou." Pork. "And that one?" "Niou rou." Beef. "Xie xie," said I, which is Chinese for "thank you." Feeling encouraged, I pointed to the stuff in the red sauce. "That one in the red sauce; what's that?" Gou rou." DOG MEAT. Suppressing the urge to vomit right then and there, I turned and ran like hell.

But you can't run far or very fast when your stomach is empty, so I eventually had to stop and eat at the same noodle shop with the filthy floor and sticky tables. Yet again. And still looking around at all the unsanitary conditions, worried as hell that I'd get food poisoning. YET AGAIN.

So, trade places, liberal Democraps. They're waiting for you. Start a war with the most populace nation on Earth, RepoopIcans. They'd like nothing better. Or lead by example, NOT by your self centered sense of entitlement. I'm here to EDUCATE. And it's one tough job.

So call me the R word. Call me "a racist." You go right ahead. Or better yet, come and trade places with me. See how long you last in my shoes.